{"id":1734,"date":"2017-11-17T22:08:28","date_gmt":"2017-11-17T22:08:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/angelahowell.com\/?p=1734"},"modified":"2017-11-17T22:24:43","modified_gmt":"2017-11-17T22:24:43","slug":"lessons-feral-cat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/angelahowell.com\/lessons-feral-cat\/","title":{"rendered":"A Lesson in Acceptance from a Feral Cat"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong><em><span style=\"color: #de760d;\">He will always be feral. You&#8217;ll probably never see him again after today!<\/span><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Well, that&#8217;s what they said about one particular tomcat we took in to get neutered. She was wrong. Turns out nearly the whole feral colony living in the woods behind our home is now &#8220;formerly&#8221; feral and &#8230; ours! The mama of the brood, Sandi, birthed approximately six litters before we came into her life a year ago and had her and the rest of them fixed. She\u2019s really &#8220;done&#8221; with being a mom. She\u2019s extremely friendly to humans but can be quite testy with all of her grown kittens.<\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"color: #de760d;\">We can learn from role models and reverse role models. Today the cats have reminded me about acceptance, most importantly self-acceptance, by reminding me of my own unhealthy patterns.<\/span> <\/strong><\/p>\n<div>&nbsp;All the cats who call her mama still go up to her to test the water and see if she\u2019s feeling loving by some miracle that day, or that moment. Usually she isn\u2019t but every now and then she will graciously give a sniff. If it\u2019s a really lucky day, they might get a lick or two. On a not so good day, she will hiss and growl and charge her \u201cbabies\u201d who love her so much.<\/div>\n<div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><strong><span style=\"color: #de760d;\">Glen&#8217;s New Mom<\/span><\/strong><\/div>\n<div>I witnessed this again today with Glen, the tomcat referenced above who does it the most. He\u2019s easily twice his mother\u2019s size so Glen could certainly stop and let her know who\u2019s bigger but he doesn\u2019t. Glen just wants his mom\u2019s love so bad. But he turns to me when Sandi rejects him. Glen has a new mama ready to embrace him and tell him how special he is as often as he will let me.<\/div>\n<p><\/p>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>There are people in my life where I have done the same thing. Their love, their approval, their ability to esteem me and confirm that I\u2019m enough aren\u2019t at the level I would like to experience. Rather than continuing my advances, hoping maybe this time will be different, I\u2019m better served to surround myself with people who can genuinely support me and offer love and encouragement.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><strong><span style=\"color: #de760d;\">Continuing to Seek Bread from the Hardware Store<\/span><\/strong><\/div>\n<div>&nbsp;In <span style=\"color: #de760d;\"><em><strong>Finding the Gift<\/strong><\/em><\/span>, I remind all of us that if we need bread, we need to go to the bakery not the hardware store (which is full of nuts and bolts)! Observing Glen today, my own continual approach for acceptance from the unaccepting came to mind. I was in the throes of having imaginary conversations with someone who has a knack for stirring up my own feelings of inadequacy. Notice how I worded that. I wanted to say, \u201cShe makes me feel inadequate.\u201d But if there wasn\u2019t an original wound, then this person couldn\u2019t trigger me. So she is just a resource, a gift to remind me of the wound and the need to practice healing that part of me\u2014a reminder to give myself the validation that I need while also surrounding myself with other people who do nurture my soul.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Like Glen, there is part of me that insists on going back again and again to these types of people to receive their blessings, their encouragement. Rejection plays a funny role in relationships. Maybe not with \u201cnormal\u201d people (if there are any?!), but for those of us who grew up without all of our basic emotional needs being met, rejection challenges us to try harder to win the approval of the very ones who are most resistant to offering it.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><strong><span style=\"color: #de760d;\">Who Decides My Worth?<\/span><\/strong><\/div>\n<div>I want to ask this person for a favor of sorts, but I\u2019m already having imaginary conversations combating the anticipated rejection, based on her historical responses to me. And worse, I\u2019m ready to allow her answer to define my worthiness. If she says yes, I\u2019m good. If she says no, I\u2019m worthless.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Putting my worth in someone else\u2019s hands is a&nbsp;persistently insecure way to go through life. And mental arguments about projected conflict are a sure way to stay out of the present and miss the joy in the moment.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><strong><span style=\"color: #de760d;\">Choosing a Better Way<\/span><\/strong><\/div>\n<div>Dwelling on the past or jumping into the future is not where I want to be today. This moment that I\u2019m in is far better than all of the anticipated conflict inside my head. I&#8217;m writing this early morning as the world is waking up, all the inside and outside cats are stirring. and a calmness fills the air when I exit the \u201cargument\u201d and return to what\u2019s true right now. I feel so much better coming back to the present to receive the gifts waiting for me to notice.<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>For today, I forgive the people who originally created the wound. I forgive myself for seeking out people to reopen the wound. And I commit to being my own best advocate. To turn to God with my hurt and to remind myself frequently of my inherent goodness, my \u201cgood enoughness.\u201d I hope you will also. What presents surround you right now?<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>\n<div id=\"x_AppleMailSignature\">\n<div>\n<div>To <i>your <\/i>gifts,<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>Angela<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div>PS Can you relate? I would love to hear from you! Please leave a comment and start the discussion! Or join the conversation in our <span style=\"color: #de760d;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/groups\/findingthegift\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong><span style=\"color: #de760d;\">Facebook Group<\/span><\/strong>.<\/a><\/span> Be sure to grab my free eBook while you&#8217;re here, if you don&#8217;t already have it, and check out the<strong><span style=\"color: #de760d;\"> <a href=\"https:\/\/angelahowell.com\/promo\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #de760d;\">.99 eBook promotion and Kindle Fire with Alexa giveaway<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/strong> happening right now!<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>He will always be feral. You&#8217;ll probably never see him again after today! Well, that&#8217;s what they said about one particular tomcat we took in to get neutered. She was wrong. Turns out nearly the whole feral colony living in the woods behind our home is now &#8220;formerly&#8221; feral and &#8230; ours! The mama of [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1737,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[4,1],"tags":[2,37,43,30,8,125,100,44,39],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.9.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>A Lesson in Acceptance from a Feral Cat - Angela Howell<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Acceptance is often the answer to many of my problems. 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